How Full is This Glass?

Would you like a glimpse into my brain? No? Well, too bad. You’re the dummy who keeps reading.

Here it goes. I like most things, places, and people. I really do. I find that most people are nice most of the time, and most events are fun, and most places have some cool stuff to offer. But - big but here - I choose to find all this goodness. I really do.

You see, I can also readily find a reason not to like most people. (Public whistling? Gah! Stop! And this dude over here is using his speaker phone for a loud conversation in the waiting room. Nobody wants to hear that!) Same goes for outings and events. (I mean, you have to pay how much just to wait in line for hours with whiny kids at Disney? It’s madness.) And places? Don’t get me started on the impossible search for some actually perfect destination.

It’s tricky, though. I go back and forth about writing all the opposing thoughts in my head. On the one hand, I’d never want to sound for a second like I’m complaining about this life I’m living that allows me to see the world and meet so many different kinds of people. I love it and will always be grateful for combination of luck and choices that have gotten our family to this point. On the other hand, I hate the idea of trying to sculpt some perfect online version of our life so you all can feel like you’re somehow missing out on some magic that we’ve obtained. (Ask Mike how fun today was as I’ve held a grudge for the past few hours since he reacted badly to me forgetting a package of salami back in the fridge at our home exchange house. The kids started chanting “two Christmases!” when they heard the exchange. Marriage is fun.)

I said in an earlier post that I’d be honest about the downs as well as the ups, and I meant it. But one of my superpowers is tuning out (at least a little) the downs and focusing on the ups. It’s my nature, and I’m good at it.

It’s tricky for me to give all of these thoughts in my head equal time on a page, but I’ll do my best. Just promise me that you’ll remember I mostly like everything and everyone, k? Thanks.

Hawaii is an excellent place to showcase my all-over-the-placeness. Tonight is our last night here. This trip has been three weeks long - one week in a Honolulu AirBnB, two weeks in a Waimea home exchange. We’ve brought an extra 12-year old along, which is a first for us. (Definitely more pros than cons with that, because he’s a great kid that we know very well.) It’s also been an excellent chance for me to test out the travel gear and wardrobe I’ve chosen so far for the Big Trip, but more on that later, in many future posts.

Hawaii is gorgeous. It’s ridiculous how gorgeous it is. It feels otherwordly at times. The sunsets here are so beautiful that one time my out loud reaction to nobody was, “Are you fucking kidding me?” It’s stunning. And I like the people, the food, the culture. I love aloha and mahalo and the weird thing drivers do where they always stop traffic to let you turn left even though you don’t have the right of way.

But you know what I don’t want to do? Move here. It’s so hot. It’s so far away. I never feel fully clean, and the under-boob sweat struggle is real. There are no sidewalks, which is fine because it’s too damn hot to walk anyway. There are roaches and mosquitoes and jellyfish and lizards and chickens everywhere. (Wait, the lizards and chickens go back in the pros list. I love them.) And will I ever get sand out of my…everything? Ugh. Parking in Honolulu requires taking out a second mortgage, and much of the city is pretty sketchy. The nicer parts are filled with tourists (the worst, amiright?). I finally got to try malasadas, and they were so good…until that bite with the hair in it. And then the second bite with another hair. And then Mike’s also had a hair in it. (I am officially done with bites of malasadas for the rest of eternity.)

See? Paradise isn’t perfect. In fact, I’m pretty excited to get back to our sand-free, bug-free, air-conditioned house on the mainland tomorrow. Back to normal-ish life and familiar food with no hair in it. One of my favorite parts of travel is seeing amazing places and realizing that they aren’t perfect in every way, and guess what, I like our home life too.

But remember that superpower of mine? It’s taking back over. The sun is going down, and so is the temperature. It feels perfectly comfortable right now. The kids are throwing each other around in the pool, and I just looked over to see Mike getting yet another hug from a big ol’ random Hawaiian dude (why does this keep happening to him?!). Two lizards are attempting to make a baby lizard in the trees next to me, and I bet there’s a chicken or eight somewhere on the hotel property. Despite the details that for me are less than perfect, I’m grateful for the time we’ve had here, and I hope I’ll be back many times - perhaps with my second husband for one of the kids’ two Christmases.